Friday Morning

Friday morning I woke up.
I'd been through a lot.
The last weeks have been stressful.
I kept it all in as best I could.
When I told him, he was there for me.
He loved me unconditionally.
After all this I would be okay.

Friday morning I woke up.
I felt older.
I felt a shift had occurred in the night.
Friday when I woke up I was different.
I had crossed a bridge and couldn't return.

I have built myself a life.
I choose the things I keep around.
I do things I want.
My life is a series of moments.
All beautiful and then gone.

I woke up on Friday with a sense of intention.
To take care of myself and my life.
To love deeply and true.
I woke up in control.
I woke up peaceful and joyous.


Really, when I woke up Friday morning, the wealth of my experiences and lessons in life took hold and I woke up feeling sure of life and the choices I've made to bring me here.

A Song.

Secrets

Im not a big fan of secrets. I don't like keeping them, I do because thats what you do with secrets. I have them, you have them, everyone has them. There is even a community built on sharing secrets. I have one that is burning me up right now. I think I'll send in a postcard because I cant take it anymore, and I can't tell either. Thanks for listening.

Dreaming

I had the strangest dream last night.
I was at someones house, my step-dad's? or Keith's?
I went out with friends and it was a long night, I don't remember what we did.
But the next day I looked awful. Like I had aged forty years overnight.
My breasts were hollow flaps of skin hanging down to my belly which was also
floppy and sagging in rolls so long they covered my genitals.
My face was the same way, hanging wrinkles and pock marks.
To top it all off, I was pregnant.

Sometimes waking up, however early, has its benefits. I cant imagine where that dream was going.

On that note, time for coffee, breakfast, and homework. I have a meeting with my new boss to schedule my hours this afternoon, and I'll throw Mel's shoes in the mail. (The new job is a new division of the winery I work at, its a juice and coffee bar. YAY Espresso!)

This week in the life of..

Me. Work, test, painting (for class, must replicate an 'old master' painting.. I'm doing the image below), work.

I spent the majority of my day (10am - 4:30) vegging out in front of the television. Poor choice. Couldn't even motivate myself to get up and make coffee. Thank goddess I had to work or I might be dead by now.  Work was nice. Eghan is gone to L.A. for two months, will miss him.. but plan on visiting him in a few weeks. Love is pretty all consuming eh? Well, thats it really.. miss you girls. More later when life is possibly more interesting.

for the love of...

when is it ok to tell someone you love them? when you spend nearly every waking moment thinking of how to make them happy? when you cant possibly find any other way of telling them how you feel?  when they hug you and you dont want to let go because it feels like home?when you are sure they feel the same? what if you arent sure? shouldnt you tell them anyway, because if either of you died tomorrow you would seriously regret not having said it? is it too early?

what the hell.  is it really love? or am i crazy?

Fingers Crossed

Tomorrow Im driving to the city with a custom baked cake and tummy full of butterflies. Im surprising my (not quite) boyfriend for his birthday, of course since he doesn't know Im coming, Im nervous it wont work out or he'll be busy and not be glad I came. Im sure that might sound ridiculous, how could someone not be happy about that. Its just that since he's not fully committed I dont want to overstep my bounds or be pushy. On the other hand I want to show him I really care.

Tell me it will all be alright?

LIfe

I realize that in my past and in my future I may contradict myself, but at this moment, I want nothing more than to settle down, buy a house and have children.

*sigh*

Life is not that simple. Oh well, onto the next paper.

Home Alone.

My housemate (Thomas) is gone to Houston TX for the week, kinda nice to be alone at home, almost like my own place. Not that I dont like him around though, he keeps me motivated, and when Im down goes to great lengths to make me laugh. Last week I had a gnarly cold, and he bought me medicine, made me tea, cleaned the whole house and ran me a bath. Such good friends are hard to come by. If only I could find him a girlfriend...

In other news, I finally got my financial aid check! I was so happy, its like a weight was lifted from my chest and I can breath again. I immediately went and bought groceries, and tomorrow I'll finally buy my textbooks (only 4 weeks into the semester)!

I think Im going to paint this picture..
Sleep now, I've got an insanely busy week ahead of me. <3

Epiphany.

Paint

OI! So its been a while. Ive been way busy. School, homework, driving, school, and trying to see friends in between. This weekend is a bit more relaxed, still have homework, and work, but I feel like if I made it through last week I can do this. 

Today Im going to work on a little job I picked up. I am restoring/repainting the sign seen above. I need to document its current condition, take paint samples, make some sample boards for the owner.  Next weekend Ill be cleaning it, paint removal, priming, and repainting. I lot of work, and something Ive never done before, luckily I have a lot of experienced helpful people around me. I will be documenting my whole process and Ill post photos. 

And in my painting class:

Good Morning, Mother!

So, as stated, alarm went off at 8:00am. Ughhh, too early, are my first thoughts. I hit the snooze and lie in semi-concious fuzz, battling whether or not to get up. Before my alarm went off again my phone rang.
Mom. Its as if she knew. She has never called me that early, I was half expecting her to tell me someone had died. So during my hour and a half 'wake up call' with mom, I got up, dressed, caffeinated, fed, made my bed, put my clothes away, AND had a cigarette. Off the phone, out of bed and with MAJOR accomplishments before 10:00! I asked her to call early more often.

After I got off the phone, I made more food, blogged a bit, and even painted! I had a 2:00 date with Eghan to play some disc golf, so I showered and grabbed some work clothes to change into, and off I went! Two Hours of disc golf/hiking later and lunch with a rather handsome gent, Im off to work.

List of things accomplished:

• Out of bed
• coffee
• 1st breakfast
• laundry
• made bed
• talked to mom
• 2nd breakfast
• painted
• showered
• FLOSSED! (wow)
• Disc-golf
• lunch
• work
• blog

Damn it feels good to be a gangster. 

Friday the 13th

So, my morning was long, and lame, and lazy mostly. I hate being like that.
I had work at 6.. and literally accomplished zilch short of feeding myself before I had to run out the door as not to be late.

Work was packed, so busy, it was fantastic. I love working, it keeps me sane.
Tomorrow I set an alarm, so I will get up early. I am not going to do this to myself anymore. I need to get on with living and doing the things I want to do and love doing. It really isnt that difficult, I just need to flip the switch in my brain. And I am doing just that. FLIP! NO more. I am going to be who I want to be and do the things I want to do, starting NOW. Which means, Im going to go brush my teeth, drink a large glass of water and go to sleep.

Goodnight and hello tomorrow!

First things first.

• Get out of bed. 
• This is not on my list of things easily done. In the past it seemed easy, even necessary to get out of bed as soon as my eyes opened. These days I wake up and lie there for hours. Literally. 
• Coffee. 
• Sounds easy enough. And really when I wake up and finally get out of bed it is usually high on the priority list. But whatever it is thats keeping me in bed, is also stopping me from proceeding to do anything to get my day moving.
• Breakfast.
• Luckily, once I do get around to coffee, breakfast is usually easily attainable. Toast seems to be a good starter.
• Fill in the rest of my day here:
• I like to make sure there is something I have to do during the day, otherwise its just more of that morning bit. I lay in bed on my computer, or on the couch in front of the tv, all the time wishing I was not so damn lazy.  

So. Today, I did lie in bed for a good hour before getting up, when I got up I procrastinated the next step (coffee) by folding my laundry. Fortunately I do have a date this afternoon, so once I was dressed, coffee and breakfast followed swiftly. Hopefully the rest of the day will be easier now that I must leave the house. Im going to play disc golf for a few hours, which should be great because I dont remember the last physically active thing I did.

Other things I am trying to add to my list of things to do regularly:

• Drink at least 2 litres of water every day.
• Exercise in some way. (yoga, walking, stretching, hiking)
• Clean up after myself.
• Get off my computer and read a book!

On that note Im going to go! 

As it were.

Well, here it is, a blog. Lord knows I dont have the focus to keep up on this, but I'll try. And really, its much more productive than Tumblr or Facebook, so that's incentive right there. I love being productive.


Things I did today that I count as productive: I did laundry, made my bed, cleaned my room, started a blog,  hmm, I think thats it. Oh well.


I am excited for school and to be overwhelmed with things I NEED to do, so I can stop thinking about the rest. Sure, I have my health, and Im getting paid to go to school, and Im seeing a very nice young man, but really I miss my friends, and my family.


This is going to be my record of starting from the beginning. A refresher course in life, and the lessons that come with it. It wont be easy, but Im determined to make the most of what I've got.